A Day in Dallas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfbBw-YMBeQ

Hi Friends,
I spent the day in Dallas yesterday. I am beginning to really hate GPS devices. Perhaps life would be better to break out an old fashion map. That darn thing would tell me to turn 15 seconds after I went past the road. It had me going in circles before I just shut the darn thing off and just followed my nose. During my drive I had the opportunity to donate money to the town of Terrell Texas, thanks to a friendly state trooper. The officer, while hiding behind an over pass wall, got me going 75 in a 65. You’re welcome Terrell Texas. Once I got to the hospital, I was amazed by how nice everyone was. Every staff member was pleasant and helpful, and there was this cool comradeship with all the Vets.

All the people being treated were disabled Vets. I have never seen a prouder bunch of people. I think I may have been one of the few people (yes there was both male and female Vets), who was not wearing a ball cap representing their service. Some said Vietnam Vet, others said things like Marine Corps, Navy, Army, and so on. It was such a cool feeling to be surrounded by my brothers and sisters in arms. It made me proud to be among them.
The cardiologist is putting me on a new medication, and my Oncologist mainly went over my records. He did have a concern that my right hip is either fractured or close to fracturing. He took X-Rays of it, but I still feel pretty good. I have been trying to remember to wear my back support.
To top off how well I was treated by the VA, they gave me $78 for gas money.

So overall it was a good, but long day. I felt like I got allot of things done and that I am going to be well cared for by the VA. Serving my country has had its benefits.

You Got a Friend II

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7RPCFfudmU

For my friends. Near or far, you are part of my life and will always be in my heart.

You've Got a Friend

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends. Its a beautiful day in Tyler Texas.I'm thinking about you and hope your week is going well. Even though I may not speak to you directly anymore, you are and always will be in my thoughts. Its nice to know you think about me enough to still be a member of this blog. It means allot to me.

I have an appointment with the Dallas VA tomorrow for Oncology and Cardiology. This is a true blessing. I am getting all my medications now from the VA, and so far they have not charged me a penny. My pain has not been too bad as long as I remember to wear my back support when I ride my bike. I also got a little too frisky cleaning house and some limited yard work. I feel much better this week. I woke up with chest pains again this morning, but was fine after taking a nitro tablet. I'm still not sure if it is chest pain or Acid Reflux. A doctor from the VA wants me to start taking something for Acid Reflux. We will see what difference that makes.
Looks like a good day for a ride. Varoooom.

02-23-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

 Sorry I have not posted anything for the last few days. I have had some good news though. I have an appointment with the VA Hospital in Dallas for Oncology and Cardiology. It also looks like I found a place to live in San Diego that will work out very well. Thank you Mike for coming through for me. I have been feeling physically very good, emotionally, its a roller coaster. I only took two pain pills all day yesterday and none at all today.

I have a depression that is filling my heart tonight. I have no right to. Everyone has been so kind to me. It seems my knack for blowing friendships and matters of the heart continues to plague me. I wish I could just get on my bike and ride. Ride away from medical problems, ride away from loneliness, and ride away from bills, just ride till my time runs out. I'm sure God must ride too. Can you imagine what his bike looks like? I can't wait to ride in his formation.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNBEiyGwGRc
While my Guitar gently weeps.

VA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo


Hi Friends,
I went to the VA today and it looks like they are going to cover me on all my medical conditions. This is such great news. I hurt my back a little on my motorcycle. Hit a dip at 50 mph and tweaked my back just a bit. It was cool being airborne for a few seconds. Good night my friends. I miss you.

Get Back up Again

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I don't have much to say today that would be constructive. I thought I would share one of my favorite songs instead.


 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zrv0kF2zZfA
Toby Man "Get Back up Again"

You turned away when I looked you in the eye,
And hesitated when I asked if you were alright,
Seems like you're fighting for you life,
But why? oh why?
Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare,
You saw it comin' but it hit you outta no where,
And theres always scars
When you fall back far

We lose our way,
We get back up again
It's never too late to get back up again,
One day you will shine again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,
Lose our way,
We get back up again,
So get up, get up,
You gonna shine again,
Never too late to get back up again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever
(May be knocked down but not out forever)

You're rolled out at the dawning of the day
Heart racin' as you made you little get away,
It feels like you've been runnin' all your life
But, why? Oh why?

So you've pulled away from the love that would've been there,
You start believin' that your situation's unfair

But there's always scars,
When you fall back far

We lose our way,
We get back up again
Never too late to get back up again,
One day, you gonna shine again,
You may be knocked down but not out forever,
Lose our way, we get back up again,
So get up, get up
You gonna shine again
It's never too late, to get back up again
You may be knocked down, but not out forever,
May be knocked down, but not out forever!

This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken,
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin',
I am so broken
This is love callin' love callin

Lose our way, (way way way ay ay ay)
We get back up, (get back up again)
It's never too late (late late late ate ate ate)
You may be knocked down but not out forever!

Lose our way,
We get back up again,
So get up get up
You gonna shine again
Never too late to get back up again
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,

This is love (lose our way) callin' love callin' (get back up again)
To the broken
This is love (never too late) callin'
(may be knocked down but not out forever)
This is love (lose our way) callin' love callin' (we get back up again)
To the broken
This is love (never too late) callin'
(may be knocked down but not out forever)

This is love callin' love callin'
Out to the broken,
This is love callin'....

Gmail

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends, I have heard many people say they cannot leave comments. I think you have to create a gmail user name first. Also I did not know all the responses were going to my gmail account. I have corrected that.

The Day After

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

So it's the day after Valentines day, and I survived. Not without my own screw ups for better or worse. I think this time I screwed up on purpose just to force the issue. Sometimes the things we want most for ourselves are the worst things for us.

So I picked myself up, brushed off the dust, and know that God has more for me to learn and do. I ask God almost every day....Whats the deal? Why can't I see the big picture? By all rights, I should be dead right now. God, however must have a reason for keeping me alive. I really don't know what that is. I can guess or speculate, but no more.

Here are the lyrics to a  song I love and now has special meaning. I guess I just want to be remembered by the ones I love and that they know how much it meant to me to have them in my life. There is one person who has put up with more of my whining and crying than anyone should ever have to put up with, and that is my good friend Susie. Also Darlene has been and Angel, and of course Robin has my respect and although it is unlikely we will ever talk or see each other again, there will always be a special place for you in my heart.

As I look at the valleys down below
They are green just as far as I can see
As my memories return, oh how my heart did yearn
For you and the days that used to be 
 
High on a mountain top, standing all alone
Wondering where the years of my life have flown
High on a mountaintop, wind blowing free
Thinking about the days that used to be
Well, I wonder if you ever think of me
Or has time erased your memory
As I listen to the breeze whisper gently through the trees
I wonder if you ever think of me

High on a mountain top, standing all alone
Wondering where the years of my life have flown
High on a mountaintop, wind blowing free
Thinking about the days that used to be
High on a mountain top, standing all alone
Wondering where the years of my life have flown
High on a mountaintop, wind blowing free
Thinking about the days that used to be

High on a mountain top
Thinking about the days that used to be
And I wonder if you ever think of me
 

High on the Mountain Top.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I wanted to share this song with you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxwtTNk6NlQ 

Some days are just better than others

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends,
You ever have one of those days when you just feel like the world is against you. I have been having a few days like that. I'm sure allot of it is because Valentines day, and although I know I am loved, I still feel very much alone.



I also have a cold slap in the face when I realized my kids no longer need me. I know everyone says thats not true, but I think they would get along just fine without me. They have their significant others, and their life revolves around them. I am just Dad. Thats fine. I understand, its just a little depressing.

I don't know where I am going to live. My son has invited me to live with him and his uncle in San Diego. I love San Diego and San Diego is where my son and daughter are headed. In a way I want to stay in Texas because I still have a son here, but he lives with his Aunt and Uncle, and I have become involved in my church and my friends there are helping get right with God. I feel loved more there and everyone is so kind. But I hate the weather here and I miss the mountains and the beach. I also am dating someone if you can call it that. She had a stroke a few weeks after we started dating and have not gone out since last August. Our dates are me going over to her house and watching movies until her pain gets too bad and she has to go to bed. I also have a very good friend who lives near Dallas, about 82 miles away. We are just friends but I feel it could be more if we did not live so far apart. Then there is Oregon where the vast majority of my friends live, as well as my sister and her family. If I move to Portland, the weather would suck, and I would have to live on my own. There is a woman who is part of the old neighborhood as kids. We just recently started to talk and I like her.

Right now I feel pretty good and besides doing heavy lifting, I am okay. But one of the problems with my health issues is I feel a little better every day. This seems to astonish the doctors because they are shocked to hear this. In fact the guy who took my X-Ray of my chest last week asked be with mouth agape, "How long did they tell you you have to live?" They are amazed and not thrilled with me riding my motorcycle, but that seems to be the only joy I have left in my life. I have many friends, but none really in Texas. I know allot of people, but that does not make us friends.

I know I keep talking about time in this blog. How much time? If I go by what the doctors tell me and the little body language and voice tone I pick up from them, I don't have very much time at all. if I listen to my body, I am getting better. Hell, I don't know if I will live till the end of the month. I just pray it happens fast. I know it is wrong but I have started to ask God to take me. Why is he making me suffer through loneliness and pain.

My health insurance is now officially gone. I had a MRI scheduled for tomorrow that was canceled by the hospital because I have no way to pay for it. They gave me a bunch of numbers and organizations to call, but whats the point. Unless God grants me a miracle...just a matter of time. I do have an application I am filling out for COBRA, but they are way too expensive. I have also filed for Social Security, but who knows how long that will take. I do have a foot in the door at the VA but right now they are only going to treat me for my heart, not the cancer and all the other medications I have to take.

So here is the latest on my health report. Cancer in Ribs, Lungs, Backbone, both legs, and right hip.I have two working arteries in my heart. Can you understand why I am so confused and depressed. Right now my motorcycle is my only joy in life. When and if I get to the point where I can no longer ride, weather I am breathing or not, my life is over.

For my real friends who care about me, I am sorry to be so blunt and mournful. If you don't really know me but are reading this blog, I hope it helps you find your own walk with God. If you too have cancer or are dieing from something else, I hope you find comfort or knowledge from my experiences. I am going to keep doing this blog as long as I can. I think I need to stay off of facebook some. I only get depressed when I think about lost friends and lost opportunities.

Jim Hall

Rantings of a Mad Man or How I Survived the War

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

For any of you that don't know, I have terminal cancer. I'm going to live life the best I can. Forgive me if I get emotional or say things that may offend you.

This is me. take me or leave me. If I look at someones profile pics its because I care about that person and wonder how they are. If I send you a message its because I like you and I want to be your friend. I don't have to prove myself to anyone but God.

 If I am to far out there, I'm. sorry I don't fit smoothly in your life. I'm a good and loyal friend, but I wont be here forever.

Peace, Love, and all that good crap!

VA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends,
I at last have an appointment with a VA Doctor this week.
I also have a appointment with my Oncologist, DR. Kumar. Today is like two weeks since I have used my cane I have not taken a pain pill since 3:00 AM. I'm not saying there is no pain. Call me strange but sometimes I like to feel the pain. It reminds me what is real. If I never feel the pain, I never know I am sick/ I don't want to just cover it up with some pain pills.