Hi Friends,
I have not made any posts for a few days. I guess that is a good thing. I had an appointment with Dr. Kumar but missed it with all of the snow and ice. I did reschedule the appointment but her nurse seemed surprised I was feeling okay. I hate when they do that. I also am waiting for my appointment with the VA to be rescheduled because of the snow.
You know, I keep telling people this is like a dream of some kind. I am too healthy to be this sick? I DON”T FEEL SICK! AT ALL! Thats what makes this so darn hard to except the facts.
I have no gauge? I don't know if it is a curse or a blessing. If I had not been warned that the odds are against me, I would not be taking care of all this paper work and working on getting all my things in order. It seems so unreal though. I guess another challenge for me is accepting the fact that if the doctors are right, I will sooner or later lose my independence. I can still do pretty much everything I could due, with moderation and modifications. I cannot imagine not being able to walk, or get out of bed by myself. I can’t imagine having to wear an oxygen mask. I have too much living yet to do. I still have aerobics to do, weights to lift, and beautiful woman to look at, and my bike to ride.
I have to fight the despair that comes in out from nowhere. I have to remember that even though I cannot see the Lord, I know he is walking with me. I have to remember that I am loved and have so many friends praying for me and helping me look at the glass as half full.
There are people in my life I would really like to point out but I don't think it would be appropriate, or welcomed. However, I have to give thanks to them. I am sure you know who you are. Love and friendship is all about wanting your friends to be happy. And in the great words of Forrest Gump, “Thats about all I got to say about that.”
So its 10:00 AM, The sky is blue, the dogs are chasing tree squirrels through the snow. The birds are chirping, Life looks pretty happy from my back window. I pray you all find your happiness today.
Your friend,
Jim
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