A Poem for You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Good morning friends. Its a little rainy but not cold. It's a good day to do some inside work and get life organized. There reaches a time in a mans life where he must make arrangements he does not want to make. I did have time to write a poem I wanted to share with my friends. It comes from deep down in my heart:

Here I sit all broken hearted, The BBQ has already started. Big fat burgers, home made fries, corn chips and salsa, Guacamole on the side. But none for me, I eating right! Just give me that tofu burger and a side of brown rice, thats right pile that lettuce high, don't Bogart that tomato, I like the the cassa size. Now how in the world can I sneak me some fries?... I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

One more thing.....John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

01-30-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

It was an interesting day. I had a great experience at church and group. What a great bunch of people. I feel so blessed to be a part of you. I met up with a new friend from church, who took the time out of his day, after helping another friend in the group move to a new home. We worked on the bike for at least three hours. She is not road ready yet but she is getting there. I also got to see some of Gods glory in the form of thunder storms and lightning. Just so cool and amazing the grace and power of God. Thank you lord for my new friends, my active friends, and the friends I miss. On a side note, I have been having pretty bad chest pains about five times a day. I am going through those nitro pills way to fast. I am going to make an appointment for my cardiologist as soon as I can.

8:00 AM 01-30-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Good morning friends. I woke up feeling good this morning, in spite of three hours sleep. My bike is still in my garage and listed on the unable to preform list. One good thing about that is I get to dress for church like a banker, and not a biker. Some people may not recognize me. I thank God for another day. Go out and smile at someone and give them a hug. It will make both of you feel better and it's free! Peace and enjoy your day.

Love and Peace.

Jim

S + R +J = :-)

Early Morning Jan 30th 2011 Chest pains

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends,
I spent most of the day working on my bike. It looks like a short under my gas tank. What a mess. next time I will find the instructions before I do the job. I had gas all over my shoes, pants and floor. I went onto the web and saw I was missing a step and I did a step wrong. Which will tell you why I have gas all over me and my garage floor.

The thought at hand regarding my health, is my heart. The chest pains continue to get worse. I have downed at least six nitro tablets tonight. In fact I have one under my tongue this moment. They are working well. Most of the pain stops pretty fast and the head aches are less than I remember. The question is if or when I go to the ER. My thought is to keep taking the nitro when needed and wait to ride out the big one. If I die, I die knowing how many of you care about me if not love me. I seek forgiveness for those I have hurt and caused pain or stress. I only want you all to know I love you and if I do not get to say good bye, you will forgive me for my mistakes and remember me kindly. I hope this is premature, but at my funeral. i want the music Spirit in the Sky, Imagine, The long and winding road and Some Beach. Peace to you all and thank you God for another day. God, as long as I got you on the line, can you help me to get my bike back on the road. I think the best way would go is a toss up between losing control of my bike at 120 miles an hour, and crashing off a cliff into the Pacific Ocean in San Diego, or have all the gals in my life get together with me and show me how much they love me. ? Either way I go with a smile on my face and love in my heart. Good night my friends where ever you heart is tonight. Peace.
Some Beach- Blake Shelton 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTT2LEyjdC4 

Driving down the interstate
Running thirty minutes late
Singin' Margaritaville and minding my own
Some foreign car drivin' dude with the road rage attitude
Pulled up beside me talkin' on his cell phone
He started yelling at me like I did something wrong
He flipped me the bird an' then he was gone

Some beach
Somewhere
There's a big umbrella casting shade over an empty chair
Palm trees are growin' and a warm breezes a blowing
I picture myself right there
On Some beach, somewhere

I circled the parkin' lot, tryin' to find a spot
Just big enough I could park my old truck
A man with a big cigar was getting into his car
I stopped and I waited for him to back up
From out of no where a Mercedes Benz
Came cruisin' up and whipped right in

Some beach
Somewhere
There's no where to go when you got all day to get there
There's cold margaritas and hot Senoritas smiling with long dark hair
On some beach
Somewhere

I sat in that waiting room
It seemed like all afternoon
The nurse finally said doc's ready for you
you're not gonna feel a thing we'll give you some novicane
That tooth will be fine in a minute or two
But he stuck that needle down deep in my gum
And he started drillin' before I was numb

Some beach
Somewhere
There's a beautiful sunset burning up the atsmosphere
There's music and dancing and lovers romancing
In the salty evening air
On some beach
Somewhere
On some beach, somewhere
 

My Achey Breaky Heart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Come on, you know you love it. I can see you dancing on your chair. " Don't break my heart my achy breaky heart, I just don't think it will under stand!" Okay, enough already !!!

What I am trying to segway into is, even though my heart seems to be born to be broken, not wild. I have a bigger problem. I do not speak often about my other health issues. I know they play an overall role, but by them self they are mildly life threatening. However, one is not. My heart. I started having problems with my heart back when I was in the Navy. I ended up getting a double coronary bi-pass in 1998. Other than a few stents over the years, I have been okay. In fact I felt so okay, it was barley an after thought when I was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer, otherwise no as Renal cancer. So anyway, back to the story.

In October of 2010, I had a heart attack. That is really when the you know what starting hitting the fan. They told me  I need another bi-pass, however there were complications this time. In any case having a second by-pass surgery is more risky. The heart can grow into the breast bone leading to a possible cut heart. Also since there is cancer in my lungs, it can make the cancer worse. I was informed by the surgeon and my cardiologist, that I have less then 50% chance of survival and the recovery would be much more painful than my first one, and I would have no use of either hand for about three months. He told me the only real option is for me to eat healthy, try to control the pain, and go live my life the best I can.

So now the last two weeks I have been getting chest pains. They seem somewhat random, but they are there. About five times a day right now. I have nitro but hate to take it because it gives me such a head ache that I might be better off with the chest pains. I have also developed a bad cough. Its bad enough that I am pretty sure I broke at least one more rib, but again...nothing can be done, it is part of the disease. For the first time a few nights ago, in the middle of the night. The chest pain was so intense I prayed for God to get it over with. I don't want to lose my independence or mobility. That was scares me more than dieing.

So the dilemma becomes, what do I do?  I know they can not operate, I know they will give me morphine to kill the pain, But what more can they do? If I let them operate the chances are better than not, that I will die on the table. If I go into the hospital they are going to hook me up to electronics, like a beat up car in a car dealer's auto shop. That and they will keep me at least over night for observation, and a few more nights for the doctors to pull their heads out of their ass! All for what? To be sent home and just wait for the big one? I feel like Fred Stanford must have felt when he is talking about the big one.

So I ask for your prayers and some understanding when I maybe get emotional and say things I later regret. I know I have lost at least one friend for that very reason. I don't want to lose any more.

Jim

Doctors Visit 01-28-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo


I saw my oncologist today to go over the results of last weeks tests. I told Dr. Kumar that I felt great. Truth be told I had not used my cain for three days or more. She told me I looked better too. However, in spite of how I felt she informed me my cancer is growing in four spots on my back, near but not on the spine. It has also grown on my right leg and possibly my right hip. Another thing was my calcium level was very high. I am not sure what that causes exactly. So Dr. Kumar ordered more X-Rays of my hip, gave me massive IV flush, prescribed some type of steroid to help with any swelling in my hip.

There is some good news. For what ever reason she says the cancer in my lungs is shrinking. I will take any good news I can. One more potentially really bad thing. I am having serious problems with my heart. maybe five episodes a day. These last from a few minutes to ten minutes. I have nitro tablets but really hate to use them.

Because many times people die when they don't expect to, that person never gets to say good bye. So just in case, I want you all to know how much I cherished my friends. I want you to know that the pain of losing someone is worth it, if to have had them in your life if only for moments. Garth Brooks said it well in his song "The Dance." "And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go.Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain, But I'd of had to miss the dance. God bless you all. Peace!

Busy Day 01-28/11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends,
Today has been and will be a busy day for me. I went to a mens breakfast at my church here in Tyler. The guest speaker was Brad McCoy, the father of Colt McCoy, the great quarterback for the Long Horns and now for the Cleveland Browns.
Mr. McCoy spoke of several issues but the focus was on Men's spiritual growth. He said there are four things that keep men from spiritual growth.1) Lust for Laziness, 2) We seek to be popular more than we seek to be respected, 3) The fear of failure, and 4) There is little or no accountability. He also quoted scripture that sunk in with me. It is Romans 5:3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

I also get to see my oncologist to get the results of my CT and Bone scan, and my MRI. Still not done. I have to get to dmv to get my handicap stickers and I am still trying to get my medical care switched to the VA.

01-25-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Off to the hospital for more tests. Today is a CT scan. I read this passage in the bible and I wanted to share it. It is about strength.

This is what the Lord God, The holy one of Israel,says:"If you come back to me and trust me, you will be saved. If you will be calm and trust me, you will be strong."
- Isaih 30:15

Day at the Hospital and other issues.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I have had an interesting day so  far. I went to the wrong doctors office, at the wrong time for my tests. At least I got the right day this time. Thanks to the wonderful staff at Mother Francis Hospital in Tyler, they got it all to work for me and even provided transportation to the correct place. I Had a MRI of my whole body and a Bone scan of my whole body too. I will not know the  results for a few days. I see my Oncologist this Friday.
I want to take this opportunity to also say I am sorry for anyone I may have hurt or upset by talking about personal things on here. I will try to be more sensitive in the future.
Thank you my friends for supporting me through this time in my life. You all mean very much to me.

Max Lucado 01-20-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

“Your faith makes you offer your lives as a sacrifice in serving God.” Philippians 2:17
When we face struggles, we often wonder, Why? Years from now, though, we may realize that it was those struggles that taught us something we could not have otherwise learned—that there was a purpose in our pain. God’s purpose is greater than your pain, and he has a greater purpose than your problems.
http://www.maxlucado.com/

20 January 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I woke up this morning with pretty bad chest pains. Not the most pleasant way to wake up. One thing for sure it is more effective than caffeine for getting ones ASS out of bed. It makes me thankful for even this cold, wet, rainy day. Thank you God, May I have Another!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo


Hey there sports fans, and refugees from the Ringling Brothers Circus! http://www.ringling.com/

Another day has come and gone. I feel no better or worse than the day before. My right leg hurts like hell, but that is all. I am trying to limit my pain pills to see if I can build up a tolerance to the pain, but that may be a bad idea. But anyhow, I got my blue micro-dot lights mounted on my bike. Tomorrow I hope to get it wired.
I hope everyone had a peaceful and productive day. For those of you I have not seen for a long time, I miss you. For those of you I see daily, Could you jelp me find my remote control? God bless you and sleep well.

Sweet Simple Things we Take for Granted.... What are yours?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I was just soaking in a smoken hot bathtub, soaking to the sounds of Freddy Fender and the Texas Tornadoes, drinking a mug oh hot and sweet peppermint tea. What a great simple pleasure. What are some of your sweet simple pleasures?

The Long and Winding Road

The Long and Winding Road video sung by Paul McCartney


Hey there sports fans and other friends... Looking out my window, it is cold, foggy, and damp. Not real inspiring for a ride. I was listening to the song "The long and Winding road." In the past I had always envisioned this song being song to a woman. The thing is, the last few months I have started looking at things I had always taken for granted in a new light. What if what I thought was a woman, turned out to be God the song was being song to? Thank you God for the Beatles. They have moved us for generations.

01-15-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I love starting my morning out drinking hot tea and checking my email and such. As I look out my window to the back yard, the pure white snow has been replaced by damp, dead leaves. It makes me think about life cycle. It won't be long till the bare trees bloom again with new life. I guess you could say it reminds me of an old song by Blood, sweat, and Tears. "When I'm dead, and when I'm gone. There will be one child born to carry on, to carry on. But please wait your turn kid. I'm not ready to go yet.

You Tube Video " In My Life"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Bottom of the 8TH

by Jim Hall on Friday, January 7, 2011 at 6:15pm


Hey sports fans, where ever you may be. It looks like the bottom of the 8th, two outs, no one on base,and a batter with a 0 and two count. The score is Cancer 10, me 5. It has been a long battle. For my friends who do not know, I have been fighting this cancer that started as Kidney cancer since about 2005 or 2004. At first they gave me no more than two years to live. That was almost six years ago.



But as life goes, nothing and no one lasts forever. As you may know, I took a trip to Dallas to talk to a world renowned Oncologist, Dr. Khan. Dr. Khan told me that the doctor I have been seeing for the last four years or so is doing everything he would have done if I had been his patient from the start. He spoke to Dr. Kumar on the phone and he told me he has all the faith in the world that Dr. Kumar is very smart and knows exactly what she is doing in cancer treatments.



So where do I stand you might ask? Here is the short and not so sweet of it. The cancer has gone from my left kidney, to my upper right lung, to both lungs, and within the last month, to my ribs, vertebra, and both the Femur bones. He said we need to give the new medication time to see if it is working, about three months. I guess after that it is radiation. Some may ask why I don't do radiation now? I told my doctor that the quality of my life was more important the quantity of my life. I also asked not to be put on morphine or any other drugs that will make me not able to ride my motorcycle. Of course, I have been advised not to ride my bike but you know what I say to that. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!



In my life time I have been fans of three baseball teams. The Baltimore Orioles from my early child hood, The Seattle Mariners, from the years I lived in Oregon and Washington State, the San Diego Padres from the 25 years I lived in San Diego, and I am trying real hard to be a fan of the Texas Rangers, but I don't see it happening. Anyway, Of all the ball games I have watched, I have not seen very many teams come back from a five run deficit, especially with two out in the bottom of the 8th. But I have seen it done.



I here today make this promise to myself, to my family, Susie, Anne, and all my other friends who have stood by me. I have not given up the fight. As long as my legs will support my motorcycle I am going to ride, as long as I can walk on the dance floor, I am going to dance, and if God tells me it is time to go home. I am going to tell him to take a hike, because I am not ready to go! God bless you all.

What Cancer Cannot Do



“Cancer is so limited”

It cannot cripple love,

It cannot shatter hope,

It cannot corrode faith,

It cannot destroy peace

It cannot kill friendship,

It cannot suppress memories,

It cannot silence courage,

It cannot steal eternal life,

It cannot  Conquer the Spirit

My New Blog

Hi Friends,
I decided to try a blog instead of using facebook. Some of the things I post are very personal and I would rather not have everyone reading it, only those who are close to me and interested about how my daily fight against cancer and depression are going. I hope you will participate and share this with others as inspiration if they or someone they know are also fighting a life threating or terminal disease. PS, if you have ever done this I can use all the help I can get. This is my first and more than likely, my last blog.

Jim