Lobster Lover

This is Mike again. I WISH it was Jim posting, but that's not possible, so I'm going to be the one sharing things with the few of you who are still interested in this blog. Jim wanted me to update you but forgot to give me the login info until after he passed, then I had to dig to find it. Jim didn't want anyone to be left out of the information loop when he passed, so here it is:

While Jim was still eating, one of his favorite meals which I fixed as often as I could and we could afford, was grilled lobster tail removed from the shell, split open butterfly style so it made it much easier to cook evenly, a cup of melted butter for dipping, and some steamed vegetables. He absolutely LOVED it!!

Take a look and make your own opinion.

Here's a close-up of what I fixed him:

He told me it was THE BEST lobster he'd ever had!! I think he said that because it had been a while since he'd had any lobster, and two tails at that!!

Semper Fi, buddy!!

The End of the Line - Resting in Peace

This is Jim's friend and roommate, Mike. Jim went home to the Lord Monday evening, August 8, 2011, at about 8:00 PM. They told us it was a very peaceful passing.

Jim moved in with us back in mid-May, 2011. He was active, vibrant, full of life and potential even though he knew he was dying. He took a road trip on his bike up to Portland from San Diego, and dumped his bike when coming off a slick freeway exit - riding his bike into a bunch of ice plant at about 5 MPH. He was taken to a local hospital where they discovered his VERY HIGH level of calcium in his blood - which was being leeched out of his bones by the cancer. Unfortunately, with his severely weakened bones, he got a hip fracture from the accident and was unable to ride anymore.

When Jim returned to San Diego (by air, his bike was shipped back to San Diego by his wonderful cousin), he wasn't the same even though he had been gone only a couple of weeks. Jim continued to lose weight as his deterioration accelerated. I tried fixing anything I could to encourage him to eat, including his favorite - lobster with drawn butter.

Just prior to Jim entering the hospital for the last time, I fixed grilled hamburgers for everyone and he visited with his three children. You can visit his Facebook page here: http://www.facebook.com/jameswadehall to see photographs, but Jim ate only two bites from his burger before he was over-full and started to get nauseous. During his last two weeks, the only way I could get any nourishment into Jim was by giving him his medications with an Ensure (which he would drink completely).

Due to Jim's high calcium level and worsening symptoms, he agreed to go back to the hospital to see if they might be able to flush his system to help him be not so confused (one time it took him two hours to compose a single sentence on his laptop) or help him not be so forgetful. Since he had a habit of bounding right back with some treatment, we thought he would be coming home soon. Little did we realize he would not leave the hospital.

Jim's daughter and I were in the hospital coming to visit with him when he passed, RIGHT BEFORE we got to his room. As a matter of fact, when I asked the nurse how long ago he passed (since he was still VERY warm), her response was: "a few minutes ago."

Thankfully, Jim is no longer in any pain and he can now be with his mother and his favorite dog, Hank.

Rest in peace my friend. We love you. Semper Fi, my Navy buddy.

06/15/2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hey sports fans!

Today has been another good day. I am heading to to the gym with my friend Manny. Jacuzzi sounds fun.

For those of you that can make it, I am going to take part in a special baptism at 12:00, this Sunday at Rolling Hills Church . 3550 SW Borland Rd. Tualatin, OR. rollinghills.org

If anyone has seen the Sun, could you send him back to Portland, Oregon.

Tip of the day. Believe you can exceed speculation. If you are having a hard time with your strength walking up the stairs or up a hill, think back, you are an athlete. Push through it, don't let the pain hold you back. Feel the pain an

d rule over it. You are the master of your attitude and will power..

06/14/2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hey there sorts fans!

I remember as a child hearing the grown ups talk about good days and bad days. Now as a much older Man I know the good days they spoke of could have been a day very much like today was for me.

When I woke a few days ago I was in the worst pain that I have ever felt. This morning the pain was the mildest I have felt in months.Here is what has changed.
I completed the Radiation Treatments, one of my doctors increased my dosage on my pain pills, I was given a sleeping pill to try to sleep through out the night. I did not sleep all night but it was better.

More tests the next few days. I hope the radiation treatments start paying off.

Tip of The Day!
Don't be afraid to reach out. We don't always

know how much our friends love us and Don't let grudges keep you from enjoying life with your friends and loved ones.

06/13/2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hey sports fans. No beating around the bush today.I woke up in the most pain to date.I have a heating pad on my hip, a few more pain pills than the doc said I should take and medical grade MJ. I have been up most of the night. I'm waiting for Beth to take me back to the hospital for pain control and then radiation treatment at the Hospital this afternoon. Going to try to get my motorcycle back down to San Diego.I am looking to fly back to San Diego Saturday. I am meeting Eric R and Mike C this friday afternoon for lunch. Feel free to join us. No place or time yet.

Tip of the day.
The doctors don't know everything. Just because they t, ell you that you only have a few weeks or years live,its just a educated guess. Let the power of your mind and the power of God to boost you on till the next day. Know there will will be a next day.Another ride on the bike,another ice cream cone.
Don't stop exercising! a little exercise is better then none. Just because your legs might be sore, force yourself to climb one more step. Don't wimp out.
Pray. I will never be accused of being Billy Graham, but I know the lord is watching over me and God is sending me his angels in the formofmy friends. You have all been so kind and supportive to me. Fight the urge to take your life. People ask me that all the time and I always say no. I have thought about it but there is no way I want to be remembered as being a quitter.Finish strong, finish hard, leave yourself on the playing field. I will never take my own life. I have fought to hard to do myself in.
Dont be afraid to say I love you. I got over the fear factor and I tell my friends, male or female. Love does not have to be sexual. The truth be told I have found that sex ruins more friend ships then it creates. I have always been in the pursuit of the next romance. The next woman. Its an obsession for me.I have killed friendships over trying to find "the One." There are many of you I love. I am not going to mention names, you know who you are.
Follow your dreams. Don't let anyone tell you you cant do something. Never give up, never throw in the towel

.
Well,I better get ready for the doctor. Peace and love to you all. There is a chance the doctors might admit me to the hospital for pain contol I don't want them to admit me. I fear if the check me in, I will not be walking out.

06/12/2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hey Sports fans!Today should be a great one. I woke up to sunshine this morning. I thought what a great day to go to church with old friends and praise the Lord.

I am feeling pretty good for where I am at this stage in my life. So, this morning I am going to Church with my friend Beth and her family.

I started thinking I might be of some help to others who may read this Blog after I am gone. I am going to start giving some tips for staying around longer than anyone thought you would.

$ KEEP POSITIVE !!!! "All of life is a journey; which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there. From A Little Book of Happiness

I guess this is where this blog is going to get hard for me. I woke today with pain in new areas and and it took more pain pills to neutralize the pain. The doctor yesterday asked me if I wanted to admit myself into the hospital. No!I am not ready to throw in the towel. I do feel myself in more pain, more times in the day.It feels like I am on a downward spin. This is where I need your prayers of strength and courage.

Jim

06/11/2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I'm off for another adventurous day at Portland VA Hospital. One wonders what an exciting day it could be. I will be taking the bus or the train.I am going to be getting more fluids to bring down my Calcium numbers.Wish me luck.

06/10/11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Today seemed like a nice day as soon as the pain pills kick in. This can be the hardest part of the day for me since when I wake up it has generally been several hours since I took my last pain pills. My plan is to set a alarm for about three hours after I crash, Take my pain pills and then go back to bed.By the time I wake up, it is time for another does.I will let you know how my plan works.

06/10/2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Good Morning Sports Fans!

I had a pretty good day yesterday all and all. I have to admit the adventure I had at the VA hospital and the OHSU was one for the books. I won't get into the gory details, but lets just say it was a test of my faith in Mankind.I saw a doctor from Oncology who is putting me on a new Chemo medication. I can't tell you the name of such medication because when I went to pick it up I found out the order had not been processed. To be fare though, the medication to help me sleep was not there either.
I then went to an appointment at Orthopedics. They had no idea why I was there which was kind of funny since I had no idea either. We did have a good time getting to know each other however. Made a few new friends while I sat for hours for X-Rays of my hip. Its funny to watch doctors tap dance and try to act smart when it is obvious to me, if not the world, this person must have paid someone to take his test for him a doctor school. I truly believe I knew more about orthopedics than the doctor did, just by watching "House" on TV.It is nice though that our government is keeping kids off the street by giving them jobs as doctors. The sad part is even though I made some new friends, I was now almost three hours late for my Radiation treatments. This is the part where I found out my medications that were allegedly submitted came in. So anyway I was now about three hours late for my last appointment. In the end of my adventure I was set to go back to Sue's place.
Sue and I went to a BBQ/Pot Luck party one of her co-workers were having. I made some new friends and had some good eats. It was my first social gathering where I did not drink anything stronger than a can of Coke. Fun was had by all and we made it back home. I felt good.
This morning I awoke to the worst pain I have had to date. The good news is it only took about a half hour for the pain meds to kick in. I am looking forward to a good weekend. It looks like Karaoke tonight with some of Sue's friends. I also have my fourth Radiation treatment today and I hope to pick up my medication from the VA.
I hope you all have a great day. Trust God to be there for you when no one else is, have faith in your friends and know that real friends are there for you rain or shine, and be glad to know that are streets are safer after keeping our misguided youth off the streets and giving them jobs at the VA.LOL. Sorry to anyone who works at the VA who might take offense from my last statement. In the end remember that God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy. Peace!

06/09/2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi there Sports Fans,
Yesterday I had my second radiation treatment done on my spine, right hip, and abdomen area. I don't know if it is to soon to tell, but I think I feel better. The purpose of the radiation is to stop the cancer from paralysis or weakness to my spine, and to help control the pain. The doctors are also trying to control the rapid increase of calcium in my blood. They say it is affected a number of problems including nausea,forgetfulness,and fatigue.

Today I have appointment with my Oncologist as well as with radiology. I will end up having five treatments with radiology this week. I hope to be able to cut down on my pain medications. I seem to be a little loopy and may be walking/talking in my sleep. It has gotten to the point where it may be a concern. I don't want to lose my independence.

I want to thank my friends Beth, Manny, Sue, and Traci for visiting me in the hospital. The doctors want me to stay here is Portland for a few more weeks. After that I will be heading back down to San Diego. I would like to find someone with a pickup truck I can load my motorcycle in and drive it down to San Diego, camping out along the way. If not I will try to ride it down. If it sounds like I am confused, I am.

I say things that seem wise at the time, like the letter I sent out to several friends yesterday morning that I now kind of regret sending. There are people who I thought were my friends who now I am not so sure. I am just plain confused and I feel like a fool. I feel like facebook is just another way for me to stick my foot in my mouth.

I guess if you are on my blog, you must care about me. For those who I have offended I am sorry.For those who feel I have done them wrong,I am sorry. Its so easy to say I won't be a problem for them very much longer, but I am not ready to go. I am not asking for your pity and if it bothers you that I am not working and I do not plan on working,I am sorry for that too. I have been lucky I have Veterans benefits and disability benefits that allow me not to work right now. I am not really worried about my credit rating right now, so I am not rushing out to pay my credit card bills.
If I owe you money and you are holding a grudge against me,let me know. The people I know I owe money I will pay them ASAP. I will not ask for anymore help. I am what I am, and that's all that I am. Love me or hate me.I'm going to work at living as long as I can. I hope to continue to make new friends and work even harder to keep the ones I have. I ask for peace, love, and kindness. I don't want your money, and I won't ask you for your time if you don't have time to give. A very wise woman told me yesterday that the day I take my last breath on Earth, is the day I take my first breath in Heaven.
Well, believe it or not, it is a sunny day here in Portland. I am going to get dressed and maybe wear my shorts to my Doctors appointment. God bless you all.
Jim Hall

06/07/2011

I am starting to feel the affects of the cancer more than ever. For the first time, my Calcium levels

are playing a part in my illness. My doctor has explained how excessive calcium levels can affect me. I have been making light of forgetting names. For instance I

have called Humming birds, Butter Flies. I have called Hash brown's Pancakes. I can't remember words or names that I use daily. I have also been throwing up three or four times a day and have no appetite.

My doctors ask me all the time if I am numb or tingly anywhere. I loose my sun glasses just about every day. That is becoming expensive and inconvenient. I can’t remember any of my medications or if I have taken them or not. I am told I have said things and have been to places I have no memory of. I now have several pairs of motorcycle gloves with only one glove. I also fall asleep without warning and it takes me way to long to complete simple tasks. For instance, I have been working on this blog for going on two hours. Simple tasks are becoming difficult. I say things I don’t mean to say and when people tell me what I said or did, I have no memory of saying them. I have started a journal to keep track of things. I am also starting to hallucinate. Not big things but yesterday I swear I saw the TV start to fall off the wall, onto someone who had come to visit me.

This is starting to freak me out. The first sensation I felt this morning was I had to urinate and throw up at the same time.. The doctor subscribe me nausea medication. I hope most of this is caused by taking so much pain medication. and the radiation therapy will eliminate most of these symptoms.

So anyway, thanks To the people who have been there for me the most? I know I will forget some people. Please forgive me: Sue Westby, Susie Rimerman, Greg Selby, Beth Hoover, Manny, My kids and other family members, Bill Ortiz. Mike and Kimberly Shutters, who have opened to me their heart and home, and the various VA Heath centers. The doctors and nurses, the kind man who helped me pull my motorcycle off me after I crashed it and followed me to the VA on my bike. The owner of Apple Fitness Center in Tyler who have worked with me to manage my plan

It took md almost four hours four hours to type this. Im off gto the VA n0w

     

In the Hospital

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi All,
I rode my bike up tp Portland Oregon to visit friends and family. I was having a Hell of a time getting my cancer medication and so I decided to ride my motorcycle to the Portland VA Hospital. No big surprise it was raining when I rode to the hospital and I ended up crashing my motorcycle. The VA sent me to OHSU (Trama Hospital) who checked me in for pain control and to run a CT scan on my spine, hip, and and abdamon. They discovered my hip is fractured woirse than was thought and it has spread further in my spine. I have an appointment to see a Radiation Doctor tomorow to discus radiation treatment. I asked if the radiation would stop the cancer and was told my cancer is spreading very fast because it is now in my blood and would be mainly for pain control. There is a possiblity of surgery, even though it is risky to do so with my cancer spreading like it is. I will be in the hospital (OHSU) untill at least tomorrow.
The doctor told me it is okay to ride my bike on short trips only and to eat what ever I wanted to since my time is growing short. Not allot to be positive about but I am trying. It looks like I will be leaving my bike in Portland when I do head back to Portland and will either fly or drive next time I come back to portland. My medications have been changed to a much stronger dose.
The good news is I am still alive, my bike and I both survived my ride from San Diego to Portland, and that I have not given up. I ask for your prayers and support. I need you all more than ever. God bless you all.
Jim

Portland,OR

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I rode my motorcycle to Prtland, OR. It was a long ride. Felt tired but ok after getting to portland last night. Thank you Gof for keeping me safe.

VA Appointment 05/23/2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends,
I saw a new primary care doctor at the VA here in San Diego.

My primary concern is that my pain level has increased and the medications were not working so they super sized it you might say. The doctor told me I can no longer drink any alcohol.I was told beer and such will not only make me drowsy and dizzy, but very good chance it would kill me. Sucks for me, but I think I will listen to the doctor this time. I was also highly advised not to ride my motorcycle anymore. Sorry Doc,as long as I can support the bike, I am going to ride.
I swear sometimes the doctors just want to bring me down. She asked me if I was given a expected expiration date and I said no. She told me that I have already lived four years past  life expectancy for someone with Renal Cell cancer and the Bone Cancer is moving fast. She said I cannot tell you how long you have left but she has only known of one person with my illness who has lived longer than me after the cancer was discovered and I should enjoy what life I have left.  I'm not ashamed to say she got a few tears rolling down my face, but I refuse to give in. I have friends who I love and know they love me too. I am living in one of the best places in the world. I have faith, I have friends and family ,I have love, hope, desire, and a passion for living and loving. I ain't done yet.

No News Is Good News

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends! I'm sorry I have not posted anything for the last several weeks. The good news is I AM HAPPY.
I am living in the San Diego area with friends. I have new relationships and have been reminded how much I am loved. Thank you God for new beginings.

A Day in Dallas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfbBw-YMBeQ

Hi Friends,
I spent the day in Dallas yesterday. I am beginning to really hate GPS devices. Perhaps life would be better to break out an old fashion map. That darn thing would tell me to turn 15 seconds after I went past the road. It had me going in circles before I just shut the darn thing off and just followed my nose. During my drive I had the opportunity to donate money to the town of Terrell Texas, thanks to a friendly state trooper. The officer, while hiding behind an over pass wall, got me going 75 in a 65. You’re welcome Terrell Texas. Once I got to the hospital, I was amazed by how nice everyone was. Every staff member was pleasant and helpful, and there was this cool comradeship with all the Vets.

All the people being treated were disabled Vets. I have never seen a prouder bunch of people. I think I may have been one of the few people (yes there was both male and female Vets), who was not wearing a ball cap representing their service. Some said Vietnam Vet, others said things like Marine Corps, Navy, Army, and so on. It was such a cool feeling to be surrounded by my brothers and sisters in arms. It made me proud to be among them.
The cardiologist is putting me on a new medication, and my Oncologist mainly went over my records. He did have a concern that my right hip is either fractured or close to fracturing. He took X-Rays of it, but I still feel pretty good. I have been trying to remember to wear my back support.
To top off how well I was treated by the VA, they gave me $78 for gas money.

So overall it was a good, but long day. I felt like I got allot of things done and that I am going to be well cared for by the VA. Serving my country has had its benefits.

You Got a Friend II

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7RPCFfudmU

For my friends. Near or far, you are part of my life and will always be in my heart.

You've Got a Friend

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends. Its a beautiful day in Tyler Texas.I'm thinking about you and hope your week is going well. Even though I may not speak to you directly anymore, you are and always will be in my thoughts. Its nice to know you think about me enough to still be a member of this blog. It means allot to me.

I have an appointment with the Dallas VA tomorrow for Oncology and Cardiology. This is a true blessing. I am getting all my medications now from the VA, and so far they have not charged me a penny. My pain has not been too bad as long as I remember to wear my back support when I ride my bike. I also got a little too frisky cleaning house and some limited yard work. I feel much better this week. I woke up with chest pains again this morning, but was fine after taking a nitro tablet. I'm still not sure if it is chest pain or Acid Reflux. A doctor from the VA wants me to start taking something for Acid Reflux. We will see what difference that makes.
Looks like a good day for a ride. Varoooom.

02-23-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

 Sorry I have not posted anything for the last few days. I have had some good news though. I have an appointment with the VA Hospital in Dallas for Oncology and Cardiology. It also looks like I found a place to live in San Diego that will work out very well. Thank you Mike for coming through for me. I have been feeling physically very good, emotionally, its a roller coaster. I only took two pain pills all day yesterday and none at all today.

I have a depression that is filling my heart tonight. I have no right to. Everyone has been so kind to me. It seems my knack for blowing friendships and matters of the heart continues to plague me. I wish I could just get on my bike and ride. Ride away from medical problems, ride away from loneliness, and ride away from bills, just ride till my time runs out. I'm sure God must ride too. Can you imagine what his bike looks like? I can't wait to ride in his formation.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNBEiyGwGRc
While my Guitar gently weeps.

VA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo


Hi Friends,
I went to the VA today and it looks like they are going to cover me on all my medical conditions. This is such great news. I hurt my back a little on my motorcycle. Hit a dip at 50 mph and tweaked my back just a bit. It was cool being airborne for a few seconds. Good night my friends. I miss you.

Get Back up Again

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I don't have much to say today that would be constructive. I thought I would share one of my favorite songs instead.


 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zrv0kF2zZfA
Toby Man "Get Back up Again"

You turned away when I looked you in the eye,
And hesitated when I asked if you were alright,
Seems like you're fighting for you life,
But why? oh why?
Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare,
You saw it comin' but it hit you outta no where,
And theres always scars
When you fall back far

We lose our way,
We get back up again
It's never too late to get back up again,
One day you will shine again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,
Lose our way,
We get back up again,
So get up, get up,
You gonna shine again,
Never too late to get back up again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever
(May be knocked down but not out forever)

You're rolled out at the dawning of the day
Heart racin' as you made you little get away,
It feels like you've been runnin' all your life
But, why? Oh why?

So you've pulled away from the love that would've been there,
You start believin' that your situation's unfair

But there's always scars,
When you fall back far

We lose our way,
We get back up again
Never too late to get back up again,
One day, you gonna shine again,
You may be knocked down but not out forever,
Lose our way, we get back up again,
So get up, get up
You gonna shine again
It's never too late, to get back up again
You may be knocked down, but not out forever,
May be knocked down, but not out forever!

This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken,
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin',
I am so broken
This is love callin' love callin

Lose our way, (way way way ay ay ay)
We get back up, (get back up again)
It's never too late (late late late ate ate ate)
You may be knocked down but not out forever!

Lose our way,
We get back up again,
So get up get up
You gonna shine again
Never too late to get back up again
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,

This is love (lose our way) callin' love callin' (get back up again)
To the broken
This is love (never too late) callin'
(may be knocked down but not out forever)
This is love (lose our way) callin' love callin' (we get back up again)
To the broken
This is love (never too late) callin'
(may be knocked down but not out forever)

This is love callin' love callin'
Out to the broken,
This is love callin'....

Gmail

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends, I have heard many people say they cannot leave comments. I think you have to create a gmail user name first. Also I did not know all the responses were going to my gmail account. I have corrected that.

The Day After

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

So it's the day after Valentines day, and I survived. Not without my own screw ups for better or worse. I think this time I screwed up on purpose just to force the issue. Sometimes the things we want most for ourselves are the worst things for us.

So I picked myself up, brushed off the dust, and know that God has more for me to learn and do. I ask God almost every day....Whats the deal? Why can't I see the big picture? By all rights, I should be dead right now. God, however must have a reason for keeping me alive. I really don't know what that is. I can guess or speculate, but no more.

Here are the lyrics to a  song I love and now has special meaning. I guess I just want to be remembered by the ones I love and that they know how much it meant to me to have them in my life. There is one person who has put up with more of my whining and crying than anyone should ever have to put up with, and that is my good friend Susie. Also Darlene has been and Angel, and of course Robin has my respect and although it is unlikely we will ever talk or see each other again, there will always be a special place for you in my heart.

As I look at the valleys down below
They are green just as far as I can see
As my memories return, oh how my heart did yearn
For you and the days that used to be 
 
High on a mountain top, standing all alone
Wondering where the years of my life have flown
High on a mountaintop, wind blowing free
Thinking about the days that used to be
Well, I wonder if you ever think of me
Or has time erased your memory
As I listen to the breeze whisper gently through the trees
I wonder if you ever think of me

High on a mountain top, standing all alone
Wondering where the years of my life have flown
High on a mountaintop, wind blowing free
Thinking about the days that used to be
High on a mountain top, standing all alone
Wondering where the years of my life have flown
High on a mountaintop, wind blowing free
Thinking about the days that used to be

High on a mountain top
Thinking about the days that used to be
And I wonder if you ever think of me
 

High on the Mountain Top.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I wanted to share this song with you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxwtTNk6NlQ 

Some days are just better than others

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends,
You ever have one of those days when you just feel like the world is against you. I have been having a few days like that. I'm sure allot of it is because Valentines day, and although I know I am loved, I still feel very much alone.



I also have a cold slap in the face when I realized my kids no longer need me. I know everyone says thats not true, but I think they would get along just fine without me. They have their significant others, and their life revolves around them. I am just Dad. Thats fine. I understand, its just a little depressing.

I don't know where I am going to live. My son has invited me to live with him and his uncle in San Diego. I love San Diego and San Diego is where my son and daughter are headed. In a way I want to stay in Texas because I still have a son here, but he lives with his Aunt and Uncle, and I have become involved in my church and my friends there are helping get right with God. I feel loved more there and everyone is so kind. But I hate the weather here and I miss the mountains and the beach. I also am dating someone if you can call it that. She had a stroke a few weeks after we started dating and have not gone out since last August. Our dates are me going over to her house and watching movies until her pain gets too bad and she has to go to bed. I also have a very good friend who lives near Dallas, about 82 miles away. We are just friends but I feel it could be more if we did not live so far apart. Then there is Oregon where the vast majority of my friends live, as well as my sister and her family. If I move to Portland, the weather would suck, and I would have to live on my own. There is a woman who is part of the old neighborhood as kids. We just recently started to talk and I like her.

Right now I feel pretty good and besides doing heavy lifting, I am okay. But one of the problems with my health issues is I feel a little better every day. This seems to astonish the doctors because they are shocked to hear this. In fact the guy who took my X-Ray of my chest last week asked be with mouth agape, "How long did they tell you you have to live?" They are amazed and not thrilled with me riding my motorcycle, but that seems to be the only joy I have left in my life. I have many friends, but none really in Texas. I know allot of people, but that does not make us friends.

I know I keep talking about time in this blog. How much time? If I go by what the doctors tell me and the little body language and voice tone I pick up from them, I don't have very much time at all. if I listen to my body, I am getting better. Hell, I don't know if I will live till the end of the month. I just pray it happens fast. I know it is wrong but I have started to ask God to take me. Why is he making me suffer through loneliness and pain.

My health insurance is now officially gone. I had a MRI scheduled for tomorrow that was canceled by the hospital because I have no way to pay for it. They gave me a bunch of numbers and organizations to call, but whats the point. Unless God grants me a miracle...just a matter of time. I do have an application I am filling out for COBRA, but they are way too expensive. I have also filed for Social Security, but who knows how long that will take. I do have a foot in the door at the VA but right now they are only going to treat me for my heart, not the cancer and all the other medications I have to take.

So here is the latest on my health report. Cancer in Ribs, Lungs, Backbone, both legs, and right hip.I have two working arteries in my heart. Can you understand why I am so confused and depressed. Right now my motorcycle is my only joy in life. When and if I get to the point where I can no longer ride, weather I am breathing or not, my life is over.

For my real friends who care about me, I am sorry to be so blunt and mournful. If you don't really know me but are reading this blog, I hope it helps you find your own walk with God. If you too have cancer or are dieing from something else, I hope you find comfort or knowledge from my experiences. I am going to keep doing this blog as long as I can. I think I need to stay off of facebook some. I only get depressed when I think about lost friends and lost opportunities.

Jim Hall

Rantings of a Mad Man or How I Survived the War

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

For any of you that don't know, I have terminal cancer. I'm going to live life the best I can. Forgive me if I get emotional or say things that may offend you.

This is me. take me or leave me. If I look at someones profile pics its because I care about that person and wonder how they are. If I send you a message its because I like you and I want to be your friend. I don't have to prove myself to anyone but God.

 If I am to far out there, I'm. sorry I don't fit smoothly in your life. I'm a good and loyal friend, but I wont be here forever.

Peace, Love, and all that good crap!

VA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends,
I at last have an appointment with a VA Doctor this week.
I also have a appointment with my Oncologist, DR. Kumar. Today is like two weeks since I have used my cane I have not taken a pain pill since 3:00 AM. I'm not saying there is no pain. Call me strange but sometimes I like to feel the pain. It reminds me what is real. If I never feel the pain, I never know I am sick/ I don't want to just cover it up with some pain pills.

Snow Job

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends,

I have not made any posts for a few days. I guess that is a good thing. I had an appointment with Dr. Kumar but missed it with all of the snow and ice. I did reschedule the appointment but her nurse seemed surprised I was feeling okay. I hate when they do that. I also am waiting for my appointment with the VA to be rescheduled because of the snow.

You know, I keep telling people this is like a dream of some kind. I am too healthy to be this sick? I DON”T FEEL SICK! AT ALL! Thats what makes this so darn hard to except the facts.

 I have no gauge? I don't know if it is a curse or a blessing. If I had not been warned that the odds are against me, I would not be taking care of all this paper work and working on getting all my things in order. It seems so unreal though. I guess another challenge for me is accepting the fact that if the doctors are right, I will sooner or later lose my independence. I can still do pretty much everything I could due, with moderation and modifications. I cannot imagine not being able to walk, or get out of bed by myself. I can’t imagine having to wear an oxygen mask. I have too much living yet to do. I still have aerobics to do, weights to lift, and beautiful woman to look at, and my bike to ride. 

I have to fight the despair that comes in out from nowhere. I have to remember that even though I cannot see the Lord, I know he is walking with me. I have to remember that I am loved and have so many friends praying for me and helping me look at the glass as half full.

There are people in my life I would really like to point out but I don't think it would be appropriate, or welcomed. However, I have to give thanks to them. I am sure you know who you are. Love and friendship is all about wanting your friends to be happy. And in the great words of Forrest Gump, “Thats about all I got to say about that.”

So its 10:00 AM, The sky is blue, the dogs are chasing tree squirrels through the snow. The birds are chirping, Life looks pretty happy from my back window. I pray you all find your happiness today.

Your friend,

Jim

Prop Me Up Besides the JukeBox When I Die.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo


Hi Friends, I had this song pop into my mind and wanted to post the link for the video. If you all can work out something like that, I would be very grateful. :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjjrnNuZuPk


Well I ain't afraid of dyin', it's the thought of being dead
I wanna go on being me once my eulogy's been read
Don't spread my ashes out to sea, don't lay me down to rest
You can put my mind at ease if you fulfill my last request

Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die
Lord, I wanna go to heaven but I don't wanna go tonight
Fill my boots up with sand, put a stiff drink in my hand
Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die

Just let my headstone be a neon sign
Let it burn in mem'ry of all of my good times
Fix me up with a manequin, just remember I like blondes
I'll be the life of the party even when I'm dead and gone

Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die
Lord, I wanna go to heaven but I don't wanna go tonight
Fill my boots up with sand, put a stiff drink in my hand
Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die

Just make your next selection and while your still in line
You can pay you last respects one quarter at a time

Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die
Lord, I wanna go to heaven but I don't wanna go tonight
Fill my boots up with sand, put a stiff drink in my hand
Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die

Oh, prop me up beside the jukebox if I die

Your Beautiful

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo


It looks like God just gave us a little tease of spring last weekend. Its back to the cold and dampness of Winter. I have to spend most of the day in the garage working on my bike. Good news for my heart. I did not have a single episode of chest pain and my legs feel pretty good today .

 I want to share this video. Its called you are Beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C2o0jHNRuU

A Poem for You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Good morning friends. Its a little rainy but not cold. It's a good day to do some inside work and get life organized. There reaches a time in a mans life where he must make arrangements he does not want to make. I did have time to write a poem I wanted to share with my friends. It comes from deep down in my heart:

Here I sit all broken hearted, The BBQ has already started. Big fat burgers, home made fries, corn chips and salsa, Guacamole on the side. But none for me, I eating right! Just give me that tofu burger and a side of brown rice, thats right pile that lettuce high, don't Bogart that tomato, I like the the cassa size. Now how in the world can I sneak me some fries?... I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

One more thing.....John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

01-30-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

It was an interesting day. I had a great experience at church and group. What a great bunch of people. I feel so blessed to be a part of you. I met up with a new friend from church, who took the time out of his day, after helping another friend in the group move to a new home. We worked on the bike for at least three hours. She is not road ready yet but she is getting there. I also got to see some of Gods glory in the form of thunder storms and lightning. Just so cool and amazing the grace and power of God. Thank you lord for my new friends, my active friends, and the friends I miss. On a side note, I have been having pretty bad chest pains about five times a day. I am going through those nitro pills way to fast. I am going to make an appointment for my cardiologist as soon as I can.

8:00 AM 01-30-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Good morning friends. I woke up feeling good this morning, in spite of three hours sleep. My bike is still in my garage and listed on the unable to preform list. One good thing about that is I get to dress for church like a banker, and not a biker. Some people may not recognize me. I thank God for another day. Go out and smile at someone and give them a hug. It will make both of you feel better and it's free! Peace and enjoy your day.

Love and Peace.

Jim

S + R +J = :-)

Early Morning Jan 30th 2011 Chest pains

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends,
I spent most of the day working on my bike. It looks like a short under my gas tank. What a mess. next time I will find the instructions before I do the job. I had gas all over my shoes, pants and floor. I went onto the web and saw I was missing a step and I did a step wrong. Which will tell you why I have gas all over me and my garage floor.

The thought at hand regarding my health, is my heart. The chest pains continue to get worse. I have downed at least six nitro tablets tonight. In fact I have one under my tongue this moment. They are working well. Most of the pain stops pretty fast and the head aches are less than I remember. The question is if or when I go to the ER. My thought is to keep taking the nitro when needed and wait to ride out the big one. If I die, I die knowing how many of you care about me if not love me. I seek forgiveness for those I have hurt and caused pain or stress. I only want you all to know I love you and if I do not get to say good bye, you will forgive me for my mistakes and remember me kindly. I hope this is premature, but at my funeral. i want the music Spirit in the Sky, Imagine, The long and winding road and Some Beach. Peace to you all and thank you God for another day. God, as long as I got you on the line, can you help me to get my bike back on the road. I think the best way would go is a toss up between losing control of my bike at 120 miles an hour, and crashing off a cliff into the Pacific Ocean in San Diego, or have all the gals in my life get together with me and show me how much they love me. ? Either way I go with a smile on my face and love in my heart. Good night my friends where ever you heart is tonight. Peace.
Some Beach- Blake Shelton 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTT2LEyjdC4 

Driving down the interstate
Running thirty minutes late
Singin' Margaritaville and minding my own
Some foreign car drivin' dude with the road rage attitude
Pulled up beside me talkin' on his cell phone
He started yelling at me like I did something wrong
He flipped me the bird an' then he was gone

Some beach
Somewhere
There's a big umbrella casting shade over an empty chair
Palm trees are growin' and a warm breezes a blowing
I picture myself right there
On Some beach, somewhere

I circled the parkin' lot, tryin' to find a spot
Just big enough I could park my old truck
A man with a big cigar was getting into his car
I stopped and I waited for him to back up
From out of no where a Mercedes Benz
Came cruisin' up and whipped right in

Some beach
Somewhere
There's no where to go when you got all day to get there
There's cold margaritas and hot Senoritas smiling with long dark hair
On some beach
Somewhere

I sat in that waiting room
It seemed like all afternoon
The nurse finally said doc's ready for you
you're not gonna feel a thing we'll give you some novicane
That tooth will be fine in a minute or two
But he stuck that needle down deep in my gum
And he started drillin' before I was numb

Some beach
Somewhere
There's a beautiful sunset burning up the atsmosphere
There's music and dancing and lovers romancing
In the salty evening air
On some beach
Somewhere
On some beach, somewhere
 

My Achey Breaky Heart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Come on, you know you love it. I can see you dancing on your chair. " Don't break my heart my achy breaky heart, I just don't think it will under stand!" Okay, enough already !!!

What I am trying to segway into is, even though my heart seems to be born to be broken, not wild. I have a bigger problem. I do not speak often about my other health issues. I know they play an overall role, but by them self they are mildly life threatening. However, one is not. My heart. I started having problems with my heart back when I was in the Navy. I ended up getting a double coronary bi-pass in 1998. Other than a few stents over the years, I have been okay. In fact I felt so okay, it was barley an after thought when I was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer, otherwise no as Renal cancer. So anyway, back to the story.

In October of 2010, I had a heart attack. That is really when the you know what starting hitting the fan. They told me  I need another bi-pass, however there were complications this time. In any case having a second by-pass surgery is more risky. The heart can grow into the breast bone leading to a possible cut heart. Also since there is cancer in my lungs, it can make the cancer worse. I was informed by the surgeon and my cardiologist, that I have less then 50% chance of survival and the recovery would be much more painful than my first one, and I would have no use of either hand for about three months. He told me the only real option is for me to eat healthy, try to control the pain, and go live my life the best I can.

So now the last two weeks I have been getting chest pains. They seem somewhat random, but they are there. About five times a day right now. I have nitro but hate to take it because it gives me such a head ache that I might be better off with the chest pains. I have also developed a bad cough. Its bad enough that I am pretty sure I broke at least one more rib, but again...nothing can be done, it is part of the disease. For the first time a few nights ago, in the middle of the night. The chest pain was so intense I prayed for God to get it over with. I don't want to lose my independence or mobility. That was scares me more than dieing.

So the dilemma becomes, what do I do?  I know they can not operate, I know they will give me morphine to kill the pain, But what more can they do? If I let them operate the chances are better than not, that I will die on the table. If I go into the hospital they are going to hook me up to electronics, like a beat up car in a car dealer's auto shop. That and they will keep me at least over night for observation, and a few more nights for the doctors to pull their heads out of their ass! All for what? To be sent home and just wait for the big one? I feel like Fred Stanford must have felt when he is talking about the big one.

So I ask for your prayers and some understanding when I maybe get emotional and say things I later regret. I know I have lost at least one friend for that very reason. I don't want to lose any more.

Jim

Doctors Visit 01-28-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo


I saw my oncologist today to go over the results of last weeks tests. I told Dr. Kumar that I felt great. Truth be told I had not used my cain for three days or more. She told me I looked better too. However, in spite of how I felt she informed me my cancer is growing in four spots on my back, near but not on the spine. It has also grown on my right leg and possibly my right hip. Another thing was my calcium level was very high. I am not sure what that causes exactly. So Dr. Kumar ordered more X-Rays of my hip, gave me massive IV flush, prescribed some type of steroid to help with any swelling in my hip.

There is some good news. For what ever reason she says the cancer in my lungs is shrinking. I will take any good news I can. One more potentially really bad thing. I am having serious problems with my heart. maybe five episodes a day. These last from a few minutes to ten minutes. I have nitro tablets but really hate to use them.

Because many times people die when they don't expect to, that person never gets to say good bye. So just in case, I want you all to know how much I cherished my friends. I want you to know that the pain of losing someone is worth it, if to have had them in your life if only for moments. Garth Brooks said it well in his song "The Dance." "And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go.Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain, But I'd of had to miss the dance. God bless you all. Peace!

Busy Day 01-28/11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Hi Friends,
Today has been and will be a busy day for me. I went to a mens breakfast at my church here in Tyler. The guest speaker was Brad McCoy, the father of Colt McCoy, the great quarterback for the Long Horns and now for the Cleveland Browns.
Mr. McCoy spoke of several issues but the focus was on Men's spiritual growth. He said there are four things that keep men from spiritual growth.1) Lust for Laziness, 2) We seek to be popular more than we seek to be respected, 3) The fear of failure, and 4) There is little or no accountability. He also quoted scripture that sunk in with me. It is Romans 5:3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

I also get to see my oncologist to get the results of my CT and Bone scan, and my MRI. Still not done. I have to get to dmv to get my handicap stickers and I am still trying to get my medical care switched to the VA.

01-25-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Off to the hospital for more tests. Today is a CT scan. I read this passage in the bible and I wanted to share it. It is about strength.

This is what the Lord God, The holy one of Israel,says:"If you come back to me and trust me, you will be saved. If you will be calm and trust me, you will be strong."
- Isaih 30:15

Day at the Hospital and other issues.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I have had an interesting day so  far. I went to the wrong doctors office, at the wrong time for my tests. At least I got the right day this time. Thanks to the wonderful staff at Mother Francis Hospital in Tyler, they got it all to work for me and even provided transportation to the correct place. I Had a MRI of my whole body and a Bone scan of my whole body too. I will not know the  results for a few days. I see my Oncologist this Friday.
I want to take this opportunity to also say I am sorry for anyone I may have hurt or upset by talking about personal things on here. I will try to be more sensitive in the future.
Thank you my friends for supporting me through this time in my life. You all mean very much to me.

Max Lucado 01-20-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

“Your faith makes you offer your lives as a sacrifice in serving God.” Philippians 2:17
When we face struggles, we often wonder, Why? Years from now, though, we may realize that it was those struggles that taught us something we could not have otherwise learned—that there was a purpose in our pain. God’s purpose is greater than your pain, and he has a greater purpose than your problems.
http://www.maxlucado.com/

20 January 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I woke up this morning with pretty bad chest pains. Not the most pleasant way to wake up. One thing for sure it is more effective than caffeine for getting ones ASS out of bed. It makes me thankful for even this cold, wet, rainy day. Thank you God, May I have Another!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo


Hey there sports fans, and refugees from the Ringling Brothers Circus! http://www.ringling.com/

Another day has come and gone. I feel no better or worse than the day before. My right leg hurts like hell, but that is all. I am trying to limit my pain pills to see if I can build up a tolerance to the pain, but that may be a bad idea. But anyhow, I got my blue micro-dot lights mounted on my bike. Tomorrow I hope to get it wired.
I hope everyone had a peaceful and productive day. For those of you I have not seen for a long time, I miss you. For those of you I see daily, Could you jelp me find my remote control? God bless you and sleep well.

Sweet Simple Things we Take for Granted.... What are yours?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I was just soaking in a smoken hot bathtub, soaking to the sounds of Freddy Fender and the Texas Tornadoes, drinking a mug oh hot and sweet peppermint tea. What a great simple pleasure. What are some of your sweet simple pleasures?

The Long and Winding Road

The Long and Winding Road video sung by Paul McCartney


Hey there sports fans and other friends... Looking out my window, it is cold, foggy, and damp. Not real inspiring for a ride. I was listening to the song "The long and Winding road." In the past I had always envisioned this song being song to a woman. The thing is, the last few months I have started looking at things I had always taken for granted in a new light. What if what I thought was a woman, turned out to be God the song was being song to? Thank you God for the Beatles. They have moved us for generations.

01-15-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

I love starting my morning out drinking hot tea and checking my email and such. As I look out my window to the back yard, the pure white snow has been replaced by damp, dead leaves. It makes me think about life cycle. It won't be long till the bare trees bloom again with new life. I guess you could say it reminds me of an old song by Blood, sweat, and Tears. "When I'm dead, and when I'm gone. There will be one child born to carry on, to carry on. But please wait your turn kid. I'm not ready to go yet.

You Tube Video " In My Life"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo

Bottom of the 8TH

by Jim Hall on Friday, January 7, 2011 at 6:15pm


Hey sports fans, where ever you may be. It looks like the bottom of the 8th, two outs, no one on base,and a batter with a 0 and two count. The score is Cancer 10, me 5. It has been a long battle. For my friends who do not know, I have been fighting this cancer that started as Kidney cancer since about 2005 or 2004. At first they gave me no more than two years to live. That was almost six years ago.



But as life goes, nothing and no one lasts forever. As you may know, I took a trip to Dallas to talk to a world renowned Oncologist, Dr. Khan. Dr. Khan told me that the doctor I have been seeing for the last four years or so is doing everything he would have done if I had been his patient from the start. He spoke to Dr. Kumar on the phone and he told me he has all the faith in the world that Dr. Kumar is very smart and knows exactly what she is doing in cancer treatments.



So where do I stand you might ask? Here is the short and not so sweet of it. The cancer has gone from my left kidney, to my upper right lung, to both lungs, and within the last month, to my ribs, vertebra, and both the Femur bones. He said we need to give the new medication time to see if it is working, about three months. I guess after that it is radiation. Some may ask why I don't do radiation now? I told my doctor that the quality of my life was more important the quantity of my life. I also asked not to be put on morphine or any other drugs that will make me not able to ride my motorcycle. Of course, I have been advised not to ride my bike but you know what I say to that. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!



In my life time I have been fans of three baseball teams. The Baltimore Orioles from my early child hood, The Seattle Mariners, from the years I lived in Oregon and Washington State, the San Diego Padres from the 25 years I lived in San Diego, and I am trying real hard to be a fan of the Texas Rangers, but I don't see it happening. Anyway, Of all the ball games I have watched, I have not seen very many teams come back from a five run deficit, especially with two out in the bottom of the 8th. But I have seen it done.



I here today make this promise to myself, to my family, Susie, Anne, and all my other friends who have stood by me. I have not given up the fight. As long as my legs will support my motorcycle I am going to ride, as long as I can walk on the dance floor, I am going to dance, and if God tells me it is time to go home. I am going to tell him to take a hike, because I am not ready to go! God bless you all.

What Cancer Cannot Do



“Cancer is so limited”

It cannot cripple love,

It cannot shatter hope,

It cannot corrode faith,

It cannot destroy peace

It cannot kill friendship,

It cannot suppress memories,

It cannot silence courage,

It cannot steal eternal life,

It cannot  Conquer the Spirit

My New Blog

Hi Friends,
I decided to try a blog instead of using facebook. Some of the things I post are very personal and I would rather not have everyone reading it, only those who are close to me and interested about how my daily fight against cancer and depression are going. I hope you will participate and share this with others as inspiration if they or someone they know are also fighting a life threating or terminal disease. PS, if you have ever done this I can use all the help I can get. This is my first and more than likely, my last blog.

Jim